How to Decode Men & Women's Speech:

DICTIONARY FOR DECODING WOMEN'S PERSONAL ADS:

40-ish............................. 49
Adventurous........... Slept with everyone.

Athletic...............................No breasts.
Average looking...................Mooooooo.
Beautiful........................ Pathological liar.
Emotionally Secure...............On medication.
Feminist..............................Fat.
Free spirit.....................Junkie.
Friendship first....................Former slut.
New-Age........................... Body hair in the wrong places.
Old-fashioned.! No BJs.
Open-minded.......................Desperate.
Outgoing......... Loud and Embarrassing.
Professional..............Bitch.
Voluptuous.........................Very Fat.
Large frame.........................Hugely Fat.
Wants Soul mate................Stalker.

WOMEN'S ENGLISH:

1. Yes = No
2. No = Yes
3. Maybe = No
4. We need = I want
5. I am sorry = You'll be sorry
6. We need to talk = You're in trouble
7. Sure, go ahead = You better not
8. Do what you want = You will pay for this later
9. I am not upset = Of course, I am upset, you moron!
10. You're certainly attentive tonight = Is sex all you ever think about?

MEN'S ENGLISH:
1. I am hungry = I am hungry
2. I am sleepy = I am sleepy
3. I am tired = I am tired
4. Nice dress = Nice cleavage!
5. I love you = Let's have sex now.
6. I am bored = Do you want to have sex?
7. May I have this dance? = I'd like to have sex with you.
8. Can I call you sometime? = I'd like to have sex with you.
9. Do you want to go to a movie? = I'd like to have sex with you.
10. Can I take you out to dinner? = I'd like to have sex with you
11. I don't think those shoes go with with that outfit = I'm gay